it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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