I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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