I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
