Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
