He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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