Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
