I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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