Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no, he came in my armpit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
