I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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