you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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