i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
