mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize