jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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