I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
