I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize