every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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