I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
