You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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