your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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