I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
