just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
