But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
