so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
