I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
