i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
