You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
