well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
