I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
