Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
