is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
