i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize