I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
