meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
