That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
