he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
