FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Come on in and take your pants off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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