mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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