She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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