My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize