:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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