OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
