now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
