trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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