I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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