What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
