Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
