If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
