so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
