She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
