I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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