I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
