He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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