Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
