I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
