I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
