can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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