I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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