I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize