I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize