Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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