bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
