Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
