My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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