If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize