did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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