I didn't shave. On purpose
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
