We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
