Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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